Sometimes I wonder why those closest to me and myself always settle for the less of most situations. My grandma used to tell me that a while back someone cursed all of the women in her mothers lineage and so we were all doomed with love. When I was younger, her stories and explanations made for fun late night tales, but now that I'm older I'm starting to wonder if these stories may be more true then I could ever imagine. I go even further now and worry if my family's female curse has gone far enough as to spread to my close friends like a common cold on a college dorm floor. I used to tell myself that somehow I draw friends who's men issue r different and varying in ever which way ..but problems none the least....
As usual I'm on my evening trip home from work and I can't help but get angry at how stupid and delusional I let myself become when I meet someone with a nice smile and some hospitality. Maybe its the young girl in me, who has yet to flourish, but I somehow continue to expect the best in all types of people when I know I should be more careful..and usually end with a major blow to my heart....I realized that I am the same way about the men I meet as I am with the shopping I do.. I'm in the store and see this really nice top. At first its just a nice top, but as I walk around the store, I start obsessing about all the ways I can wear this amazing top. So much that I go back to pick it up, only to realize..its a way too expensive price to pay for that simple top that you basically just put on the same pedistal as some godly objects. And so what do I do..instead of putting down the top and finding something nicer that doesn't cost as much, I buy the top....Only to get home with this non refundable top and realize I didn't bother to try it out in the store and it does not FIT...Now I'm stuck with this shirt I can't rid of and this pain thinking about how much of me went into getting the shirt.. I and many girlfriends I have, don't stop and think about the situation, if something is a little off, and we have the instinct that we shouldn't go for a guy, we do it anyway, just cuz..or because we want to try to make it work....and most times after the epic fail..we go back to the store and go back for the same shirt in a different color, hoping this one will look better because it's a little different..
Back to my grandma (just because I love listening to her so much)....2 of her quotes stick out in my head..."Todo lo que brilla, no es oro" and " Lo barato siempre sale caro". (All that glitters is not gold ; the cheap always turns out being expensive.) I ask myself - When am I going to start getting my life together and analysing the real pros and cons of being with someone?..and at the same time opening myself up with the potential of being hurt and dealing with it to find something better, but not being hurt just because I'm a masochist and like finding people who will always find a way of hurting you... I'm trying but its hard when shopping for both men and clothing, is made simple with the okay stuff on top of the pile- without trying to dig for the really good stuff thats hidden at the bottom of the box. I just hope I find that soon so that Im not stuck with a heap of bad fitting men and tops in my closet...
Anyhoot back to life..back to reality
Until nxt time
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I love this post. So sad yet so true. We are all masochist in some ways. I guess it's the thought that you can make that pricey shirt look different. But in reality it's the same shirt. Kinda like the time I bought that expensive ass shirt n u went and purchased the same exact shirt for a way cheaper price and it still looked good. Cheap can still look expensive.
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